-I just read that sporty spice, Melanie something, broke up with her boyfriend of 10 years. They have a three year old daughter together. This was my first reaction: WHAT? You mean she’s really not a lesbian? Wasn’t that the point of the track pants and the arm band tattoo?
-I started my A&P 2 class last night, which is only a month long so its four hours every night and I could not have a worse teacher. He reminds me of my pedophile-esque creepy uncle that we don’t talk to. He seems to be in his forties because his hair isn’t grey (and it doesn’t look dyed, unless he got it professionally done) and his face isn’t wrinkly but he doesn’t have botox because he has deep forehead creases. But he dresses like an old man and has horrible man boobs despite being skinny and a really flat butt and his pants are up way too high. He’s also super boring and substitutes extraneous words for standard terms. Like he calls hormones ‘factors’ and that makes me want to punch him in the head. Also he just abbreviates everything so that I feel like I’m in some crazy high level math class and/or I’m dyslexic.
-When the doctor tells you not to go in the sun, you should probably not go in the sun. I’ve been sick for over a week, I just finished a week of antibiotics, but I went to the pool and broke out in prickly heat on both my arms. It felt like I rolled around on a cactus. Lesson learned.
-I’m going to have to sell some eggs or something (which will be hard because my eggs are unacceptable). Thanks to my new apartment (my lease starts today but I’m not moving in for six weeks) my credit card bill is $3700 for june. Not all of that is rent/security though. I spent $100 on my sickness, $95 on my new kitty, ~$100 on my sister’s birthday, $50 on pillows for my couch (however they are verrrrry fluffy), $300 on our road trip (plus another $140 I owe my bff in cash), $400 on my new dyson vaccuum (necessary with two cats), $50 for the Victoria Secret semi-annual sale and stuff (but the bathing suit bottom I bought is totally awesome so I don’t care), $50 on booze, et cetera. It makes me contemplate being a sugar baby.
-My allergies are out of control. In addition to penicilin, pollen, and tree nuts, I’m allergic to sesame seeds/oil. You’d think that wouldn’t be a big deal until you actually have that allergy. There are sesame seeds on italian bread, oil in most pot stickers, and sesame seeds are used as a garnish on a lot of dishes which you don’t even realize until you’re like AHHHH WHY DID YOU SPRINKLE MY FOOD WITH POISON. Also something I didn’t realize- frickin hummus! Hummus has sesame in it. I can never be a vegetarian now. Between hummus and the nuts allergy I would die of starvation.
-So because my allergies make my throat and more recently my tongue itch, I got an epi-pen which is now buried in my bag with the rest of my shit. But hold on, you think an epi-pen is going to be this handy little lifesaving pen sized apparatus, but no, they should really call it an epi-circus-tent-stake because that’s how big it is. Like really? You can create an iphone but you can’t create a little pen sized injection to carry around? Thanks for that.
-The cats are getting along. Milo keeps doing his sexy pose for her (I think her name will be Chloe) and there has been no hissing as of late. Recap- I’ve had this kitten in my room since Friday and four days later my dad still hasn’t realized. Introductions to the puppies is going to be long and tedious, because she is still scared shitless of them. I mean if I were the size of a squirrel I’d be afraid of a 27lb Chubby coming at me as well.
-Having a kitten (she’s four months) makes Milo seem huge. Not even like just a normal cat huge, it seems like we’re living with a mammoth.
-This stupid new host at work is driving me nuts. He’s so entitled and lazy. He doesn’t work hard and he’s super slow with busing. It actually makes us wonder if he is retarded. The other night there were three of us and he was told to leave at 9pm. Instead, at 945 we see him chilling at the bar watching TV with his bluetooth on. We asked if he was clocked out and he said “hell no” and made a ‘making money’ gesture to the sky. Well me and the other girl threw down. After telling him to clock out and/or help and him refusing, I went straight to the office and told my manager to manually clock him out. He told me to have the manager in training do it AND roll by his hours by an hour. BAM. Don’t fuck with my money, kid. I am not playing around. (Our tips are based on the sales of the restaurant for that day and the hours we worked. Him ‘working’ an extra hour would have taken money directly out of my pocket.)
– Dunkin Donuts mocha coolatta is the best new thing to happen to me. Newest vice.
-Making your own ice cream cake is really easy but takes about a million hours. I made one for my sister’s birthday and it was soooooo cute. I took ice cream sandwiches and froze them together, then did a layer of plain vanilla, then did another layer of ice cream sandwiches, then covered the whole thing in cool whip. It was awesome.
-Target sells sparklers in the south! I bought a few boxes in NC and illegally transported them back to NY for my sister’s birthday. They were awesome until they got rained on.
-I hand made that banner out of neon poster board and ribbon. It was really cute but it took me like two hours. And then it got rained on.
– Joining the pool this summer was the single best idea I’ve ever had even if it cost me $250. It’s so relaxing to go sit by the adult pool where kids are outlawed and they have magical cushioned lounge chairs. And the pool is somehow the perfect temperature. I brought my friends the other day and we went on the slides which I haven’t been on in ten years. They were actually still really fun and kind of scary! I never appreciated how nice the pool is until I had to pay for it myself.