1. Gained at least 10lbs
2. Managed to not throw up from drinking for a whole year, mainly because I largely stopped drinking
3. Became infatuated with couponing
4. Fell in lust with goat cheese
5. Got a leopard print foot tattoo because I am a leopard whore
6. Spent $2000-$3000 out of pocket on therapy, therapist told me she wanted to bash my head into a wall: had epiphany
7. Reclaimed my dignity
8. Found kittens! Gave two to a stupid bitch who never let me know how they were. Kept one, fell in love. Became obsessed with cat, uploaded 170+ pics of him to facebook in only 9 months
9. Embroidered bra for breast cancer charity fundraiser in honor of my grandma, was in the newspaper, didn’t actually go to the auction, will never know how much bra was auctioned off for
10. Got rid of tonsils (good riddance!), became temporarily addicted to Oxycontin, can’t remember two whole weeks of my life, tried to eat lo mein, bad decision
11. Got a 50 cent raise and no Christmas bonus, had to start PAYING for shitty coffee at work, revised life plan, quit job, went back to school… will probably be able to afford a real life in the future
12. Legitimately bleached my hair in a temporary loss of sanity, then applied six boxes of brown over the next week to fix it.
13. Took statistics (found out taking calculus for three years was a waste of time), never did the homework, got an A. Got offered two scholarships, turned both down
14. Wore leggings almost every single day
15. Touched an alligator
16. Had a total freak out about anti-climax of a hurricane, kept yelling “A hurricane’s a coming!” A la The Little Mermaid
17. Went to my first non-family wedding, got drunk, faceplanted twice, unintentionally hit groom’s mother while doing crazy, drunk, old school ballerina turns
18. Confirmed with rheumatologist that Ehlers Danlos is the reason I feel physically shitty all the time, used this as an excuse to quit exercising (bad bad bad)
19. Took tap and ballet classes at Broadway Dance Center, realized it’s really annoying to dance with big boobs
20. Made a ton of cakes/cupcakes
21. Found out I am very very allergic to all pollen, including pollen not even found in New York, made allergist nervous, found out within first minute that allergy tests are quite possibly a form of torture…. Also allergic to nuts.
22. Received $100 from a total stranger after I hit on his waffle and ice cream at a diner with my work bitches in the city one night, bought milkshakes and dinner
23. Gave blood 3 times, got rejected 5 times. Started taking iron pills. Still slept a whole hell of a lot.
24. Almost lost my sister to a violent hamster attack
