Things I Learned (or thought about) Today #1

-A euphemism for fat is “adipose-ally enriched.” -courtesy of my Anatomy professor.

-Paula Deen is actually an evil woman who is essentially profiting from encouraging people to eat copious amounts of butter, and then get diabetes.

-Any unfortunate situation is made funnier by making it into a book title. See: -courtesy of my work bitches mass email chain today

-Those little half-size plastic bottles of soda are the worst. I thought it’d be a great idea to buy a little 8 pack so I can throw one in my bag and take to class when I need a little wakeup, but let me tell you something, worst decision ever. First of all, I spilled almost an entire little bottle in my bag the other day and DRENCHED my coupons, which is the worst possible thing that could have ever happened. Second of all, if you do manage to completely close the top securely, when you’re driving and go to open one to have a little sipsy, the thing will explode (from the motion of being carried around in your bag all day) and you will almost crash your car. -It is a bad idea to spend three hours in your car waiting for your next class. You will probably get sad about life. And cry a lot. And be cold.

-It doesn’t matter how hard you try to not mess up your nails, you will inevitably mess them up. On that note, if you do manage to not smudge, this is the best top coat ever… It’s like $3 tops at Harmon/BedBathBeyond. It’s called Hoof Laquer and it’s legit laquer for horse hooves, but packaged in little tiny bottles for people nails. Verrrrry shiny.

– Hybrids are the shit. We just bought a hybrid. We have driven 1000 miles and have only refilled the tank once, and I still have a quarter of a tank left. We got a Toyota Camry hybrid, and at first I didn’t like it because it doesn’t have that visceral feeling of turning on the ignition and feeling like you’re actually driving behind an engine because it has a button ignition and is really quiet- it feels more like a spaceship. But now I love it, purely because I can see when it’s running on electric and I’m not wasting any freaking money driving back and forth to class all day. I got stuck in traffic in the rain the other day and it was on electric for probably 40 out of the 50 minutes I was in the car. A-maze-balls. Also you don’t have to plug it in or anything, the car recharges itself while you use gas. Or something. I dont know! But I love it. And you can call me a tree-hugger, I don’t care. I call you an idiot.

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