Turns out, this community college statistics class is one of the most entertaining things to happen to me in a long time. Much more enjoyable than the LIRR. I’m happy to report that the very irritating kid in front of me (who was leaning into the desk over to his friend so far that I thought he might be internally bleeding) has dropped the class and is no longer annoying me.
HOWEVER, I did not tell you about my friend with the faux fur hooded puffy jacket; I will call him Eskobar- because it sounds like half Eskimo and half Klondike Bar. The first day, this dude came in roughly an hour and a half late, and then promptly went to sleep. Keep in mind, this is a three hour class. Yesterday, homeboy came in about forty five minutes late and also took a little nappy-poo on the desk, until the break when he then asked for the notes from the professor. Are you serious? Don’t worry, she didn’t give to him (I was one of those kids in elementary/middle/high school who never let anyone copy my homework- can you tell? I’m sadistic like that). Today I was really relieved to hear that two people dropped the class, one I assumed was Skinny McMeldingIntoTheDeskInFrontOfMe, and the other was Eskobar… or so I thought! Well, this hooded gentleman came waltzing into class after -count it- TWO AND A HALF HOURS. I almost pooped my pants. Who does that? And then he asked two questions! The AUDACITY!
For the life of me I cannot figure out what is going on. Snap judgement: he looks nothing like an A student or genius of any kind. He looks like someone who goes to sleep on a desk. I honestly am having trouble keeping from asking if he’s in some kind of probationary program where he has to show up to class at least once a day, or if he’s inheriting a huge fortune only on the terms that he is enrolled in college but not necessarily passing. I realize there is a chance that he could actually already know stats- which I don’t like to admit because I don’t like to admit that other people can know things that I don’t already know- but if that were the case couldn’t he just take a test to be exempt from taking the class? This whole situation really bothers me because I believe two things to be true:
1)One should never be late to anything, ever.
2)One should never disrespect a teacher/professor by speaking, doodling, sleeping, or conspicuously doing anything unrelated to class.
I just hope he fails and wastes $500. That’s it. That’s the point.
NEXT: So there’s this other guy who doesn’t really bother me at all except for today when I realized that he was wearing two pairs of sweatpants on top of each other and the outermost pair was so low that it was hanging on below his butt AND his weenie. I know because he ate two bananas and got up two separate times to throw out the peels. He was totally flaunting this new below-the-weenie fashion. I just don’t understand it. Were his quads especially cold but his ass normal temperature? I mean I assume if I were wearing two pairs of sweatpants indoors I would be sweating my theoretical balls off. But really, can someone explain this below the ass phenomenon thing to me? When my sister and I were kids we used to put our jeans around our knees with a belt and say “YO! I’M A TEENAGER” but that is because we kind of lived in the ghetto and it was the 90′s. Also how can guys complain about girls looking dumb wearing leggings (which some argue are not real pants), when walking around with your butt purposefully emphasized by ill-fitting clothing is a ‘thing?’ If I walked into class with my butt in leggings and sweatpants hanging onto my thighs, I would look like a crackhead hooker I’m pretty sure.
Not only that, this kid was meaty. And he ate two bananas. I can only assume he has a really good metabolism because if any normal person ate two bananas in a day they’d probably not poop for a week. That is my personal, professional, unregistered nurse opinion. What I’m saying is that there is no reason for this meaty kid to be wearing two pairs of sweatpants at all let alone the way he was wearing them and I am just baffled. It is really hard to be in my head. All these questions I have to try not to ask people. Every day is a struggle.
Anyway I drew you a picture of his back side but not his front side because I am not comfortable drawing strange kind of emphasized but clothed weenies for the internets. I’ll have you know I used a special piece of “I’m supposed to be studying” paper and crayons just for the occasion. I would have used the brown for his hair and left a little thinning patch of hair for accuracy but curiously the brown crayon is missing.
ENJOY!
Recently I was discussing the pants-below-the-butt phenomenon with a co-worker. He told me that once upon a time someone told him a story about this trend of the butt hanging out of pants.
My friend was in jail for a long time. When he finally got out of jail, it was the 90′s, and the kids were all walking around with their butts hanging out of their pants. When he was in jail, he said, this was the sign that you were “open for business.”
oh WOW. that’s amazing. thanks for that bit of knowledge.