If you are an unintelligent person who likes movies that are predictable and spoon-fed to you, do not see Martha Marcy May Marlene. You will hate it, just like all the old people I saw this movie with at the $6 matinee this morning.
I have been talking about seeing this movie for about two weeks now, except I’d been calling it Martha Mary Matilda Madeline etc because I couldn’t for the life of me remember the title. TODAY however, I can remember the title because after having seen the movie, the title is brilliant.
This will undoubtedly be the least informative series of paragraphs I’ve ever written in my life because I am so passionate about not giving away any of the details of this movie and ruining it for any future viewers because it was honestly one of the best movies I’ve ever seen in my life and I think part of the experience would have been ruined had I known anything about the plot beforehand. The one thing I can tell you is that Elizabeth Olsen as Martha is amazing. She’s incredibly beautiful even though she’s totally stripped of makeup (and covered in dirt) for the entire movie. She also does a really great job of playing someone who is obviously having serious issues.
The plot is this: Martha comes to live with her sister after having disappeared to live in a cult for two years. She’s very bizarre and distant and you get to discover parts of what happened to her from a series of flashbacks. HOWEVER, none of the information is carefully handed over to you, you have to use your brain cells. I did not predict one single event throughout the whole movie and for that I want to kiss the director’s feet. I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie that was not totally obvious. Furthermore, I’m relatively sure that this movie would only become better during future viewings because I’m still making connections and obsessing over it seven hours later. It ends very abruptly, and when the credits came on I sat to myself in the theater and said out loud “Oh. My. God.” not because I hated the ending, but because the ending was perfect. I love movies that shake you. Ugh! I wish I could be more specific.
One thing I will say about this movie is that I’m 100% certain I would bang every single male actor in it except for the old dude. Also, Elizabeth Olsen stars in this movie, but so do her boobs, in some form, in every single scene. She never wears a bra and if you can’t see her actual (natural and enviable but possibly underage? is this even legal? how old is she?) boobs, you can definitely see her nipples. Wasn’t she cold? I don’t know. There is a good amount of nudity in the movie but it’s not obnoxious, it’s very casual and not even really erotic or anything. It’s just nakedness. There is one graphic scene which I am still thinking about. It’s just surprising. Definitely makes you gasp, but nothing to be scared about. You will know it when you see it.
And now, since I can’t in good conscience divulge any more information about the actual film, let me tell you about my experience in the movie theatre. So, very seriously, I went to see this movie by myself on a Sunday morning for $6 because I am both cheap and go to sleep at 8:30 at night. Also, you don’t have to sit next to any germy people on Sunday mornings because it’s so empty. For this 11:15am showing, it was just me and three couples over the age of 60. I snuck in a giant Poland Spring bottle which I’m happy to announce fit in my Longchamps bag unexpectedly. I’ve decided that the key to drinking water is to find a bottle that you like holding on to, and will force you to absentmindedly sip it out of nervous energy. The movie was great- except for Captain Obvious and Mrs. Coughy behind me. Please people, when you have a disgusting smoker’s cough, please feel free to not cover your mouth and send it spewing at 100mph to the other people in the theatre. (I just realized that this stupid thing is not recognizing theatre as a correct spelling, and that I’ve changed it in the previous uses. Just ignore that. I’m too lazy to go find them.) Also, it’s probably good that these people went to see such a sparsely attended showing because Captain Obvious would not shut the hell up the entire movie. And he didn’t try to whisper. Dumb people should not see movies. If you have to ask questions the whole time or want to make statements, please do so in a whisper or just stay the hell home, because all I need at the most climactic part of the movie is Captain Obvious saying “She’s gonna kill herself” when really, I didn’t even think of that and I can’t say whether or not he was wrong because it will ruin it for you, but if perhaps he was wrong, then he just looked like an idiot. Thank you sir, but I don’t need your of-average-intelligence thoughts in my head during this film. I would like to listen to my own. And THEN! When the movie ended he said “And this movie got four stars” because he obviously did not understand it and did not appreciate the creative genius that went into it.
But do old people ever like movies? Probably not.
All in all, I loved this movie to death. I would probably go see it again. In the theatre. That’s how amazing it was. And I will definitely be buying the DVD, and not the $4 pirated version, I mean the real, authentic, upwards of $15.99 version when it is released. In the meantime, can someone go see it and then let me know? Because I’m DYING to discuss it in an intelligent conversation and have no one to do it with. I want to yell out all of the things I’ve connected since coming home. I WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN. I walked out of the theatre feeling alive and envigorated, which is a lot to say for me because I’m constantly anemic and half asleep. I felt like my brain had been stimulated. I felt changed. I felt a little paranoid. And it was awesome.
